The Colours of Envy

Tall, slender,
a model of a girl
Eyes full of wonder
A smile of pearl

Elegant cheekbones
A portrait of a face
Soft and delicate
Hair always in place

With grace and intelligence
She had so many dreams
The world: her oyster
Her future gleamed

We used to be like sisters
But she was a cut above the rest
Living in her shadow
I was average at best

Myself: jealous and bitter
The ugliest shade of green
She had everything I wanted
She didn't need me

I saw her again, years later,
Four to be exact,
On a cold spring morning,
Dew resting on the bract

Alone on the street,
bag tight in her clutch,
Walked the pinnacle of beauty
I once envied so much

But she was no longer
Shining so bright
She looked fragile and broken
As her eyes shut tight

Tears on her porcelain cheeks
Like droplets of dew
The girl I longed to be
Is the shell of one I knew

As she grew closer
Something became clear
Her eyes were not only
The home to a few tears

Her alabaster skin
Under her empty eyes
Tainted with the darkest of purples
And the blues of night skies

The next I heard of her
She was no more
She took her last breath
Limp on the floor

The man she was safe with
Her one true love
Took her life from her
With every push and every shove

My shoulders ache
From the guilt they bear
She faced it alone
When I should have been there

My Paradox

(I may add to this)

I love the way you seem to know everything
But I hate how you always have to be right

I love how you look when you're sleeping
But I hate how you grind your teeth

I love getting messages when you're thinking of me
But I hate that it's when you're drunk

I love the way you're perfect for me
But I hate that I don't feel perfect for you

I love that I love you
But I hate that I can't stop

Ambivalence (not mine)

Not mine, found this reposted with no credit attributed

Ambivalence

you're not in love with her

If yelling at her in an argument doesn't make your throat burn like you just downed six shots,
you're not in love with her.
If her eyes can't make you stop in your tracks and think about what you are about to say next,
you're not in love with her.
If her laugh doesn't make you tense up your knuckles thinking about never hearing it again,
you're not in love with her.
If her voice can't calm your worst anxiety attacks and make you want to listen to anything she has to say, you're not in love with her.
If her smile doesn't make your chest quake and your lungs shrink but feel refreshed all in one motion,
you're not in love with her.
If her taking her clothes off is when you pay the most attention to her, you're not in love with her at all.

adulthood

the night showing no remorse
suffocated by a duvet
i never realised how fucked up i was
until i couldn't sleep

the birds aren't beautiful at 5am
not today
the coffee is bitter
i drink it anyway

singing in the shower doesn't exist
records play in my head
the intention is there
but my mouth remains unopened

i hate the postman
whose name i've never known
i've grown numb to his existence
poor mr postman

i was never good at DIY
i never learnt
but what is a screw without a screwdriver
because i can never fucking find one